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Don’t Spanx Me

Tonight women around the world will be laying out their New Year’s Eve dresses and squeezing into their spanx. I won’t be one of them. All my holiday sins of overeating, oversleeping, oversurfing and overpartying will be out there for all to see.

Trying to convince me of spanx’s merits, one woman told me, “It just keeps everything in place.” “Just never take them off in front of your husband.”

Exactly my point. Once I take them off again, who have I really fooled? For a guy, it’s like bringing a woman home and finding out under the sheets that she was packing a little extra equipment.

When did the term “spanx” become popular anyway? Do people think that somehow makes it seem sexy? It’s a girdle people. Get over it.

None of the flat bellied modern day twiggies I know who wear spanx need to be wearing them. It’s like painting more spots on a leopard. This leopard’s not changing her spots for anyone.

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