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Evil Chocolate Pie

If you’re expecting a story about eating chocolate pie in bed and then bemoaning the calories afterward, this is not it. For over 20 years, Todd has been bemusing me with his weird nightmares–last night being the most bizarre to date.

I also have weird, complex dreams. Todd’s by contrast, are strange but simple and often end with him screaming, rudely awakening me. Lately, he’s also been known to hiss, while flicking his tongue in and out like an adder and sometimes he bellows, “Get out,” in the freakiest voice known to man. When he screamed, I used to feel bad for him and wake him up to let him know everything is okay. Now I just prop myself up on my elbows and enjoy the show. Then I shake him awake to tell me everything he remembers.

Last night was the combo deal, moaning and screaming. “What was that one about?”

“An evil chocolate pie.” Unable to contain my laughter, I prompt for more information.

“I was trying to make it leave.”  Slowly, the story unravels.

“How did you know the chocolate pie was evil?”

“I just knew. It was one of those cheap chocolate pies you get at a buffet bar that is half chocolate and half cream.”

“Okay, but what made you think it was evil? Did it say something? Did it have a mouth?”

“It was making the entire house shake. I was trying to get it to stop. But it wasn’t really evil until it was put next to an evil piece of paper.”

In between bouts of laughter from both of us, Todd was able to tell me more.

“It started out on the dining room table. It was a half eaten chocolate pie, covered in tin foil.”

“If it’s covered in tin foil, how do you know it was half eaten?”

“Because I covered it and then brought it into the kitchen. I put it down beside a piece of paper and that’s when the house started to shake. I think I may have eaten too many Christmas chocolates,” he concludes.

“No shit,” I said and tried to go back to sleep.


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