Archive | December 2011

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Don’t Spanx Me

Tonight women around the world will be laying out their New Year’s Eve dresses and squeezing into their spanx. I won’t be one of them. All my holiday sins of overeating, oversleeping, oversurfing and overpartying will be out there for all to see. Trying to convince me of spanx’s merits, one woman told me, “It […]

Zit Popper

Over the years I have learned that the best place to bring up your honey do list is in bed. I had just broken the news to Todd that we need to repaint the entire house this year when he interrupted with, “Why is there a zit popper stuck to your leg?” “What?” I said. […]

Evil Chocolate Pie

If you’re expecting a story about eating chocolate pie in bed and then bemoaning the calories afterward, this is not it. For over 20 years, Todd has been bemusing me with his weird nightmares–last night being the most bizarre to date. I also have weird, complex dreams. Todd’s by contrast, are strange but simple and […]

Santa Ain’t No Fairy

I can’t remember a time when I ever believed in Santa. In their attempts to make everything rockwellian, my parents ruined it for me every Christmas. Santa’s arrival on Christmas Eve was preceded by far too much kitschy pomp in our household for even the most gullible of kids to believe in him. Growing up, […]